The Obligatory Mind Switch Fanfic
by Xellossity
Summary: A startling transformation! Who's drinking Zel's tea?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Neither Slayers nor the "mind-switch-cliché" belong to me. (Of course, if they did, the world would probably implode, so I guess it's for the best.)

The Obligatory Mind-Switch Fanfic

(aka _The Beautiful, Young Sorceress has Some Trouble With Her Lackeys_)

Our scene opens on the beautiful young sorceress as she calmly ate her breakf-WHAT?! Oh, fine. You want me to be accurate, I'll be accurate.

Ahem. Our scene opens on a the beautiful young sorceress as she hungrily scarfed down several servings of the most dee-licious waffles and bacon and sausage and-

"Gourry! Let GO!"

"But, Li-na!"

"No buts. Just gimme the pancakes and nobody gets hurt."

"But they're _my_ pancakes!"

"**GOURRY!!!"**

And so, the beautiful young sorceress was satisfied, and the horrible, treacherous swordsman got what was coming to him. Heh-heh. Suddenly the door to the inn's dining room flung open.

"Hiii, everyone!" Amelia exclaimed with an odd smirk. "Love, peace, justice, etcera etcetera." She sat down at the table and started sipping some tea.

My extremely well-tuned sorceress-senses informed me that something was amiss. For one thing, Amelia _never_ shortened her morning justice speeches. EVER. For another, that was _Zelgadis's_ tea. _No one_ is allowed to drink Zelgadis's tea.

"Someone's drinking my tea."

Not good.

"Oh Zelgadis-san! I'm SOOO sorry!" Amelia jumped up from her seat, ran over to Zel, and glomped him around the neck. Yes, you heard me right. Glomped.

"A…mel…ia." Zelgadis seemed too stunned to speak. Or maybe it was just because his air supply had been cut off by Projectile Priestess. (Hey, I could start a circus! Amelia could be the human cannonball, and Zelgadis could be the sideshow fr-AAGH! Get off me, Zel-girls! I didn't mean it!)

"OhI'msosorryIdidn'tmeanittheteawasjustsittingthereZELGADIS!"

"Wha?"

"HOLD ME!"

"Um…er…fine."

_Okay, now I'm really confused. The only thing that could make this moment any more awkward would be…_

"EEEEK!!! MISS LI-NA!" My thoughts (and eardrums) were shattered by a deafening scream. _Funny, that sounds like…_

"Oh, Miss Lina, whathappenedwhathappenedWHATHAPPENED?!" I suddenly realized Xelloss was shivering and sobbing into my arm.

Wait.

**XELLOSS?!**

"What…are you doing?"

"Oh, Miss Lina! It's horrible!"

"Dija get in trouble with Zelas or something?"

"Zelas? Who's that, Miss Lina?"

_Now I KNOW something's wrong._

"Who _are_ you?"

Xelloss sniffed. "Amelia."

_Say WHAT, now?_

"You …CAN'T… be Amelia," I said, pronouncing everything slowly and carefully. "Amelia's over…THERE." I pointed over to the corner.

"ZELGADIS-SAAAN!!!" The-Xelloss-that-calls-itself-Amelia ran to the Chimera-that-is-hugging-the-girl-who-doesn't-quite-act-like-Amelia and flung his...her..._its_ arms around him.

"What's going on here? XELLOSS! GET! OFF!" Using his chimeric strength (_Why_ does he want to become a human, again?), he pried TXTCIA off of his neck. It wasn't going to go down without a fight, however.

"WAAAH! Mister Zelga-dis!" It sobbed. "It's truly unjust to treat me like this! I demand that that…that…imposter let go of you at once!"

TGWDQALA stuck its tongue out. "NYAAAH! I got him first, imposter!"

"How DARE you use my own justice-filled vocabulary against me! I shall smite you in the name of-"

"ENOUGH!" Zel pushed the two away from each other. "I've heard enough."

"Yes, Mister Zelgadis?" They said in unison.

"I have decided that I only have one thing I need to do to solve this."

"Yes, Mister Zelgadis?"

He began to smirk. "LIFE IS WONDERFUL! LIVING IS MARVELOUS!"

"Go Zel!" The beautiful, young sorceress was surprised that he had it in him.

"THE WORLD IS OVERFLOWING WITH LIGHT AND JOY!"

TGWDQALA began to look ill. With a sickening thud, it fell to the floor.

"Hooray for Mister Zelgadis!" TXTCIA re-attatched itself to his neck.

Zel forced a smile. "How did this happen, anyway?"

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Chapter 2

_The Obligatory Mind-switch Fanfic _

(aka _The Beautiful Young Sorceress Has Some Trouble with Her Lackeys_) 

Part Two

"How did this happen, anyway?"

"Yeah, Mister Xelloss, _how_?!It would be truly unjust to withhold such information! Heaven shall smite you right where you stand if you do not grant us that which we so desire!" You could have no idea how…_strange_ this sounded coming from Xelloss. It was like having the very fabric of reality ripped out from under your feet like some kind of giant Carpet of Justice.

"Well now... no need to get all excited, Amelia." Xelloss had finally dropped his act and went back to sipping Zelgadis's tea. "The explanation is quite simple, actually."

"Simple, huh?" I wasn't impressed.

"Yes. You remember the manuscript, ne?"

"The one from…wait… last Thursday?"

"No, the one from yesterday." Xel-Amelia suddenly seemed troubled.

"…Yesterday?"

"You remember, don't you Lina?"

"No, Gourry, I –WAIT! _You_ remembered it?"

"Of course I did. We spent the whole day looking for it."

_Say, WHAT, Gourry?! Waitasec…didn't we plan on looking for a manuscript _today

"Are you feeling okay, Lina? You look pale! Should I call a doctor or something?"

"NO, GOURRY!"

"You know, he's telling the truth, Miss Lina. You do look a bit…"

"I DO _NOT_ NEED A DOCTOR!" I needed a stress-reliever, and fast. THWACK! Ah, that's better.

"What'd I do, Lina?!"

I tried to stay as calm as possible. "You…_claim_ we went to look for a Clair Bible manuscript yesterday, right?"

He nodded.

"We _couldn't_ have gone," I said simply. "I would've remembered, right?"

"Well, I've heard that humans lose their memory as they get older." Our resident genki not-quite-mazoku smirked.

"Can it, Xelloss." He pretended to pout. "I just don't understand what's going on."

Zelgadis stood up. "Well, I don't remember looking for the Clair Bible manuscript yesterday, either."

"Well, at least two of us haven't completely lost our minds."

"There's always a chance that the two of you are the only ones who _have_ lost your minds."

_Must…not…kill…Xelloss…Amelia'd…get…mad…_

I put the priestess formerly known as Amelia in a headlock. "I'M NOT CRAZY! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S CRAZY! YOU AND AMELIA AND GOURRY TOO! YOU'VE ALL LOST IT!" I then collapsed in a fit of hysterical laughter. Hey, at least I didn't kill him!

"Looks like I'm the only one left." Zel pulled his hood over his head and started for the door.

"No, Mister Zelgadis! Don't go!"

Zel looked down at his arm, which was weighed down with a large, purple-haired mazoku. "I'll never get used to this."

"What _I_ suggest is that we all sit down and talk this over like civilized beings," Xellos interjected.

"…Which is impossible." _Harsh, Zel._

"I think not. Waiter, we'd like twenty orders of the special, please."

TO BE CONTINUED…

Author's note: Thank you for reviewing, cyberimp6 and Niele-Mzk. This story was originally going to be a one-shot, so I didn't worry much about the weird plot-holes. I'll try to repair as many as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

_The Obligatory Mind-switch Fanfic _

(aka _The Beautiful Young Sorceress Has Some Trouble with Her Lackeys_) 

Part Three

Some wise guy once said, "Music soothes the savage beast." I wouldn't exactly call myself savage, but whatever the special was, it felt like music in my mouth. I savored every bite.

"Lina, are you sure you aren't sick? You're eating less than usual." I reached up to smack him across the forehead…and missed.

Zel's eyes widened, as did Amelia's. Even _Xelloss_ looked a bit...perplexed.

_Hey, stop staring at me like that! Nobody's perfect!_

"Miss Lina, we need to get you to a doctor."

"Sorry if you hadn't noticed, Amelia, but we're in the middle of nowhere. The closest doctor is three days away, possibly more."

Xelloss suddenly produced a large, leather-bound book. "It says here that this village has a sort of a "witch doctor". People come from miles around to try his…unique methods of healing."

"Unique, huh? I dunno, but the idea of risking my life with some native quack's 'methods of healing' doesn't sound too fun."

Suddenly Zel snatched the book. "The witch doctor is also famous for his cures for seemingly…untreatable…conditionsWE'RE GOING."

"Are we, now?"

"Yes. We are." Zelgadis grabbed the front of Xelloss's…white…blouse. "We are going if it kills us."

"I could arrange that!"

_So could I, mazoku. So could I._

"Mister Zelgadis, do you think the doctor could switch Mister Xelloss and me back?"

_Oh, yeah. I'd almost forgotten about them. ALMOST._

Zel's eyes almost started to get the faintest speck of what might be called tenderness. "I'm sure he can."

"Zel-chan's goin' so-oft! Zel-chan's goin' so-oft!" I sang. The chimera in question shot me a deathglare from across the table.

"So we're going to the doctor...for the sake of JUSTICE!" I could've sworn little stars were forming in her cat-like, purple eyes.

"Yes."

"Certainly!"

"It's better than just sitting around and doing nothing!"

"Wha? Did I miss something?"

WHACK!

---

"Grr…we've been walking for hours, Xelloss, and we're still nowhere near that old quack's office! How big is this village, anyway?!"

"Larger than you thought, ne?" the mazoku said with a wink.

"Ugh… so hungry…" Gourry moaned and clutched his stomach. Zelgadis scoffed, but even he was looking a little tired. Meanwhile, Amelia was looking brighter and bubblier than ever.

"We can't deviate from the path we have chosen, Mister Gourry! We must never waver! We shall walk down the path of Righteousness, Truth, and Justice with our heads held high! We must keep repeating to ourselves: Life is wonderful! Life is wonderful. Life…is…" She suddenly collapsed in a dead faint.

"Amelia!" Zel rushed to her side. Author's note: Guess who the couple of the day is! -

"Mister…Zelgadis...?" Amelia blinked up at her chimera-in-shining-armor. He laid her down softly on the grass and then turned to Xelloss.

"Give me that!" He grabbed the book roughly from the mazoku. "What the-? The pages are blank!" He then pitched it at the floor, nearly hitting Amelia. "Do you think this is some kind of joke?!"

"Mis-"

"Zelgadis! I'm stunned that you would think that!"

"Mister Z-"

"I mean, I'm not _that_ cruel!"

"Mister Zelga-"

"I swear, in the name of the Lord of Nightmares, that those pages are… not… blank?" He picked one page up, looking at it carefully. "That's strange," he muttered.

"MISTER ZELGADIS!!!"

"Yes, Amelia?" He blushed slightly.

"I found the map! It says that the doctor is just over that hill!"

Xelloss bent down, peering at the paper. "Sorry to break this to you, Amelia, but that's not the map. That's just a blank piece of paper."

"But it even says 'Map of Random Village #68'! It says it right here!" She jabbed a white-gloved hand at the top of the paper.

To be perfectly honest, I thought all that justice had done something _strange_ to her young, impressionable brain. To be perfectly honest: There. Was. Nothing. There.

Suddenly, Xelloss appeared to lose his balance. He sat down (hard) on a rock, his head in his hands. "This is not good. This is not good at all."


	4. Chapter 4

_The Obligatory Mind-switch Fanfic _

(aka _The Beautiful Young Sorceress Has Some Trouble with Her Lackeys_) 

Part Four

"This is not good. This is not good at all."

"What's not good, Mister Xelloss?"

Thoroughly ignoring the priestess-who-looks-like-Xelloss-but-even-Gourry-can-tell-the-difference and turning sharply to yours truly, he opened his eyes.

"You are aware of how mazoku physical projections operate, correct?"

No matter how many times you see him with his eyes open, it still never fails to be one of the most unnerving sights known to mankind. No, this is not counting my sister. (She's on a whole other _plane_ of unnerving…ness, far above the one on which we mere mortals tread.) Ah, yes, the plot. I'd almost forgotten.

"Sure, I know. They're just that…projections. You can't hurt them with, say, a normal sword or a black magic attack."

"Close. You get a B." He patted my head.

_Oh, you'll pay for this, Xelloss. If not for that whole…not-being-hurt-by-physical-attacks-thingy, you'd be _dead_ right now._

"You missed one very important point, Lina-san." He wagged a finger at me, resuming his usual genki façade. "We can also change our physical forms at will."

Gourry rubbed his chin. "So THAT'S how you fit into that d-" He was interrupted by a jarring crack, also known as the sound of my fist hitting his face. Hard.

"You idiot! I told you never to talk about that!"

"Oh? I thought I looked rather fetching!"

"You're worse than Gourry!" I turned towards the mazoku.

"Ah, now we experience science in action!"

"Oh, you'll experience it all right!" I built up more momentum. Rather, my _fist_ built up more momentum.

"As you see, no damage will be do-"

Fist. Face. Bulls-eye!

"…Ow?" He fell backwards onto the ground.

And as you can all imagine, we were all surprised when the punch actually connected (except Gourry, who was either asleep or unconscious). I mean, I was doing it as a stress-reliever, not actually trying to _hurt_ the guy. And he was just telling us that he wasn't affected by physical damage! There was something very, very wrong here.

"It seems that I forgot one very important point as well." He slowly got to his feet, one hand attempting to cover what looked like a really nasty lump on his cheek. "As it seems, I am no longer a mazoku."

…

"WHAT?!" Everyone was stunned, including Gourry, who had recently come to his senses.

I'd never spent much time studying appearance spells (given that I'm so cute and all) but from what I could remember, all of the ones that were said to "switch two people's minds" just changed each person's appearance to look like the other. The minds weren't involved at all, just the bodies. I had just assumed that's what had happened to Xel and Amelia.  
"Judging by the look on your face, Miss Lina, you are as perplexed as I was when I found out."

"Well, I have a good reason to be confused! Who ever heard of a 'mind-switch spell' that actually switched people's minds! It's never been done!" Yes, I am aware of how weird that sounds. Just keep reading.

"If it had never been done, we wouldn't be in this predicament, now would we?" He winked. "I guess I'd better tell you what tipped me off, ne?"

"I would imagine so." At first glance, Zel appeared as cool and unfazed as usual. I could tell that he was pretty nervous, though. He started fidgeting with the hem of his cloak.

"That book Amelia's holding is, shall I say, no ordinary travel guide. It is actually part of my physical projection, just like my staff and my clothes. What makes this book different is how it is read. The knowledge it holds can only be described as the entire written history of the mazoku race. Since the creation of our world, we mazoku have added to this 'library', keeping a log of everything that is said and done. Just as all mazoku can add to the library, all mazoku can read it as well. Unfortunately for you humans, it can only be read from the astral plane. The fact that Amelia could access this library was what threw me off guard earlier."

"So you mean…that I was looking at the astral plane…and didn't even notice?"

"That is exactly what I mean, Miss Amelia."

"So," I interjected, "why is it that _you_ chose to give the library a physical form? I mean, we didn't see Gaav or Phibrizzo carrying any books around!"

"To keep anyone from getting too suspicious," he answered simply.

_Well, that makes sense._

He suddenly turned to a very uncomfortable-looking Amelia. "If everything I've said thus far is correct, then I have regrettable news for you."

"And…um…what is that, Mister Xelloss?"

"We should no longer call you Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun. You are now Amelia the Priestess, in service of Greater Beast Zelas Metallium."


	5. Chapter 5

_The Obligatory Mind-switch Fanfic _

(aka _The Beautiful Young Sorceress Has Some Trouble with Her Lackeys_) 

Part Five

"We should no longer call you Amelia Wil Tesla Seyruun. You are now Amelia the Priestess, in service of Greater Beast Zelas Metalium."

Everyone was silent for a moment. Xelloss was right. This was most definitely not good.

"You mean…I have to…"

"…Obey Zelas? Yes. Take over my position as her general/priest? Certainly. Become the imbodiment of all that is unjust?"

"NO!"

Xelloss opened his eyes. Even though he _technically_ looked like Amelia, that didn't detract from the fact that this was, as I said before, one of the most frightening sights known to mankind. "Without a doubt."

"OhmygoshthisissonotgoodDaddy'sgonnakillmeXelas'sgonnakillmeL-sama'sgonnakillmeHajimeKanzaka'sgonnakillme-"

I interrupted her…prophecy of impending doom with a thought that had been troubling me for a while. "If the book can only be read from the astral plane, and _you're _no longer a mazoku…then how in the name of L-SAMA did you know about that 'village witch doctor' guy in the first place?"

"Ah. I thought you were going to ask me about that eventually. To put it simply, I'm not so sure."

_Xelloss?! Not sure about something?! Somebody call up Guinness, cause we just made a new record!_

"But I do th- Miss Lina? Is something troubling you?"

I could hardly hold in my laughter. "Not at all!" I sang. "_Somebody call up Guiness…" oh, Lina, you're so witty. _

"Then I will continue. My best guess is that this 'mind-switch-spell' works slowly. Whoever cast it must have done it while we were sleeping, so that it had several hours to take effect before we woke up."

"Wait. Mazoku can sleep?"

Xel sighed. "Yes, Gourry. We _can_ sleep. Most of us just don't."

"How convenient," I mused.

"There's something I still don't understand, Xelloss. And you'd better give me a straight answer." Zel's hand clutched the hilt of his sword, in case Xel tried anything funny. "How was _I_ able to read the book earlier? You can't expect me to believe that I'm _also_ part mazoku."

"I was _just_ getting to that." Xel seemed to be enjoying himself. "When I said that I can change my physical form at will, this includes the book. So when I saw you beginning to lunge for it, I projected the article onto the page. Simple as that."

I had to admit, he had a pretty good scheme worked out. I doubt any of us would have been able to figure it out on our own.

Suddenly there was a rustle in the bushes. I sensed a weak presence. I mean, a really weak one. _Either whoever I'm sensing is really far away…or…_

"Sylphiel?" There was only one person in the world with a presence like that, and I didn't know whether to be thrilled or disappointed. I mean, Sylphiel's nice and all, but she's a little…boring, if you know what I mean.

"Gourry dear?" She stepped out of the bush, her robes torn and muddied. "Gourry dear!" She flung herself into the swordsman's arms.

"Oh, hi Sylphiel. How've you been?"

I sighed.

"Oh Gourry dear, I heard that you were traveling through here and I realized that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't come greet you."

"Hi, Miss Sylphiel!" Amelia waved from where she had been sitting. She looked a little weak.

_Oh, riiight. She's a mazoku now. Getting any closer to the white priestess and her Gourry-worship would be suicide._

Sylphiel cocked her head. "I don't think I've met you before, kind sir."

"Er…what about the Phibrizo incident? Gourry being kidnapped? The entire population of your hometown being turned into mindless zombies? Any of this ringing a bell, Miss Sylphiel?"

"Oh, yes. I'll never forget that. But I don't ever recall meeting you there. You do look familiar, however."

Amelia sighed. It seemed we owed Sylphiel an explanation.

---

"And that's that," I finished. What? Don't give me that look. You want to read my explanation even _less_ than I want to write it.

"So what you're saying is that (edited for length and sanity)? That witch doctor's not to be trusted, but I think I know someone else who can help you." _SCORE! _(Though I feared that she was speaking from personal experience about the doctor.)


	6. Chapter 6

_The Obligatory Mind-switch Fanfic _

(aka _The Beautiful Young Sorceress Has Some Trouble with Her Lackeys_) 

Part Six

Sometimes, I think Sylphiel is more evil than she looks. Sure, she _acts_ all proper and sweet, but what I really think she's doing is plotting the downfall of mankind. No, really, there's something seriously twisted about that girl.

"Only a few more miles, Miss Lina!"

I was going to die.

I, the great Lina Inverse, was going to starve to death. We'd been walking for _who knows_ how long through this forest, but we were getting nowhere fast.

"Listen, Sylphiel, either you lead us to some food…NOW…or I'll march right up to Sairaag and destroy it again."

She gasped. "You _couldn't! _You _wouldn't!_"

"Oh, I could, I would, and I _will_."

Amelia leaned over us with a concerned frown. "Aren't you being a little hard on her, Miss Lina?"

I was just about to shoot back with some kind of witty retort when-

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! I have found you now, Lina Inverse!" I couldn't exactly trace the source of the voice, but it sounded close. _Oh yay. A disembodied psychopath-stalker. Just what I need._

"Just to make things clear, whoever-you-are, I am NOT ready to deal with you right now."

"Oh, but you will be. I assure you." The Voice snickered

_Uh-huh. Sure._ "Alright, Mister Disembodied-Voice, let me make this plain and simple: When I get hungry, I get...irritable. I killed both Gaav _and_ Phibrizzo the last time I was this...irritable."

"Mmyes...Please continue."

_The idiot doesn't seem fazed at all! Hmph, I guess he just doesn't understand._

"In short, I'm both starving and ticked off right now, so come out from behind the bushes like a real man and let me kill you!" Yes, I _know_ that sounds lame, but saying stuff like that usually gets your opponent angry, which in turn makes him easier to find, catch, and/or blow up.

The only problem was that this guy wasn't normal, or usual in any way. Instead of, you know, yelling, "You'll _pay_ for saying that, you little witch!" or something like that, he just laughed. He LAUGHED! At the heroine of the story! (If you haven't figured out yet, _that's me_.)

"You see, I _would_ come out from behind the bushes, except for one important fact."

"And what is that, exactly?"

"I never was behind the bushes."

Gourry's eyes grew wide, as soon did Xel and Zel's. (Predictably, Amelia's stayed closed.) "LINA! Behind you!"

I hate to stoop to clichés, but I can't think of a single better way to put it:

"Then it all went black."

(Author's Note: I apologize for taking so long on this chapter. The next one will hopefully be longer and come sooner.)


	7. Chapter 7

_The Obligatory Mind-switch Fanfic _

(a.k.a. _The Beautiful, Young Sorceress Has Some Trouble with Her Lackeys_) 

Part Seven

It took a bit of convincing, but my eyelids finally decided to open up and greet the day. Of course, when I say "day", what I really mean is "somewhere between twelve and six A.M." We also had the convenience of it being a new moon, so it was pretty much pitch-black.

_Someone wake me up in a couple hours, okay?_

The beautiful, young sorceress rolled over and buried her face in the grass. I was just about to doze off, too, when a sudden thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

_What in L-sama's name am I DOING?! Just laying here is like saying, "Hey! I'm over here! Come kill me please!" Nuh-uh. Not happening._

I sat bolt upright (which would be rather hard to do, given the ton of bricks) and looked around.

_Oh, yeah. New moon. _

At least I had starlight, which wasn't saying much. I could pretty much make out the outlines of the people (?) around me, so I decided to take attendance.

_Alright…that one over there looks kinda like Amelia…_

_Bangs…that must be Sylphiel…or Xelloss…_

_All that armor has to be Gourry…_

_And that…that is…I have no idea who that is._

I made the executive decision to crawl over and figure out who our mystery person was. It had long hair and looked like it was carrying a sword; that much I could tell from a distance. I just couldn't figure out if it was a girl or a guy.

As I continued my journey, I caught a glint of something shiny around the person's wrist.

_Hmm…looks like a talisman, and a valuable one at that. I wonder if I could snatch it without anyone noticing… _

I finally made my way up close to…whoever it was. Now I was pretty sure it was a girl; no self-respecting man would wear earrings like _that_. (Not that there's anything wrong with _girls_ wearing them. I actually have a pair that's pretty similar.)

I reached up and brushed the hair from her face to see if I could get a better look and was met with what was absolutely, positively, and _without a doubt_ the worst possible sight imaginable:

My sister.

Needless to say, I nearly died right then and there.

---

After taking a few seconds—_minutes_—to get my heart rate back to a reasonable level, I took a second look at the girl's face.

_Waitasec, that's not Luna (Oh, thank Ceifeed)! Luna's hair's a bit shorter and…_

_…well, this is an interesting development._

I was staring into the face of none other than…myself. For most people (and most fanfiction renditions of me) this would have been a shock, but, after that Luna thing, it was more of a relief. I thought: _If we safely assume that I'm me, then whoever's in front of me must not be me, even though she looks like me. Of course, there's always the option that I'm not me, which means that the me in front of me _is_ the real me. Either way, it's time for me to think of a rational and clever plan to figure out who's who. _I stood up to my full height and planted my hands on my hips.

"Hey, whoever you are, WAKE UP!"


End file.
